Big Subjects for Little Ears

This week marks the halfway point in 2020. The last few months have brought unique challenges that we face together as a nation. Since March, our citizens have been bombarded with news coverage on COVID-19. Shortly after that, came concerns about an economic downturn rivaling the Great Depression. Next, we started hearing about “Murder Hornets” (as if regular hornets weren’t terrifying enough…), devastating flooding in Michigan, skyrocketing unemployment, and protests and demonstrations to effect change in our judicial system.

Heavy topics for an adult, let alone a child. If your kids are anything like mine, they will have questions about what they are hearing and seeing on TV, so today’s post is going to cover how to talk about current or historical events that might be scary or confusing to young children.

Honesty

Approaching a topic honestly is the most important part of having a difficult conversation. You don’t have to have all of the answers or know every detail, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it.  If your child has questions, answer them in an age-appropriate way. You know your child best, so you will be able to gauge how much detail you want to give.

Filters

Being honest doesn’t mean that your words shouldn’t have a filter.  Some information will be too graphic for young children, and they may not be able to make sense of what is happening. You can simplify a story by sticking to specific key details. It is reassuring to remain calm and explain how the situation is being addressed. Try saying something like, “We have to stay home more because we don’t want to get sick or get anyone else sick. We help others stay healthy by washing our hands while singing a song (like Happy Birthday), wearing a mask, and not standing close to others. Doctors are working hard to find medicine to help. Can you think of other ways we can help keep people from getting sick?"

Ask Questions

Just because your child looks to you for answers doesn’t mean you can’t have questions of your own. Your son or daughter may not be able to fully comprehend everything that they hear and see on the news, but you can ask them what they think happened, what they are feeling and what they need from you.

Acknowledgment and Support

Be sure not to downplay their feelings. Remember, they are allowed to feel scared or worried. News can be hard to handle at any age. When you talk to your children or teenagers, you can say something like, “I understand that you might be worried about this happening again. I feel that way sometimes too.” Ask your child how you might help them to feel more secure and comfortable. You can sit down together to come up with some ways to support them and alleviate anxiety. 

When my children start to get anxious or upset, I de-escalate by asking them to stop and take a deep breath. Just that simple act seems to calm them down quite a bit. If it’s really bad, I ask them to count to 10. Once they have gotten past the initial upset, they are more willing and able to talk about how they think the situation can be made right. Maybe they just need a hug or a smile, or they may prefer to write down their feelings or role play. You can also remind them that there are other people they can turn to. Perhaps connecting with a grandparent or talking to another family member will help. During uncertain times, children look for additional reassurance wherever they can get it. They might not be able to see grandparents in person, but they can still feel the love and support on a phone call or video chat.  

The last few months are affecting children in different ways. Younger children might not understand and will be confused. Pre-teens and teenagers are hurting because their world has dramatically changed. Before the quarantine, these groups relied heavily on social interaction with peers and teachers. That lifeline has been all but severed. Think about when you were a teenager – would you have wanted to stay cooped up at home with your parents? I didn’t think so.

Empathy

Let your child know that you are here to support them and that we will all get through this. Give them a safe space to communicate so they can come to you when they are ready to talk. This means being nonjudgemental, respectful, patient, and caring. Remember, your child is not you; they have their own feelings to process in a way that is unique to their needs. That might be different than how you would handle a crisis, but it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. Now is the time to brush up on those empathy and listening skills - honestly, these are good skills for everyone, regardless of their life stage.

This is by no means a ‘one-size-fits-all’ guide to talking about difficult subjects with younger children. I hope you found some helpful tips, but was there anything that I missed? Please share your advice and experiences in the comments below. As always, you can email me directly.

Stay safe.

Krista Kyte is a personal finance blogger and personal banker with over 17 years of experience in the financial industry. Krista is passionate about helping our members understand their financial situations. She writes tips that will help consumers reach and maintain financial security, and start living the life they’ve always wanted.